Wedding Ministry by Design

Foundations for Marriage

Peer Pressure

We've all seen it. In fact, we've all done it! Our society seems to thrive on it! I'm talking about when people alter their own ideals to fit the ideals of their peers. Peer pressure. It begins in school, and don't believe for one minute that now that you are married, it's going to stop. The truth is, you will now face never before thought of realms of peer pressure. 

You're now blissfully enjoying married life. You get together with friends. These are people you may have known for many years. Siblings, school mates, co-workers or just plain old "buddies". These are the people you look up to. The people you strive to fit in with. They've always been there for you when you needed them. They probably even took part in your wedding. And now, they are going to try to sabotage your happy life! Oh don't get mad at them. They don't mean any harm by it. It's just our social order of things, and they're doing what society has taught them they should to do. They're enlightening you about your future!

It will start off with a simple little line of slander against their own significant other. "The other day, Bill did so and so", followed by, "Well, that's nothing! Let me tell you what Mike did!" Your desire to remain loyal to your peers can quickly suck you in before you know it. Pretty soon, you're seeing your marriage through their eyes, or what they expect your marriage to be. There is often no malice intended by these casual conversations, but the results can be harmful is a variety of ways.

I'm not telling you that you need to go find some new friends. Far from it. These are people you love and they are only doing what comes natural to them. But just as they have a strong influence over you, you can also have a strong influence over them!  Let me explain.

These little verbal assaults often begin with 'always' and 'never'. "James always watches sports." "Karen never puts the lid on the toothpaste." Usually these little assaults are simply not true, but they are a perception used to show our peers that we have it just as bad as they do! So why not show them that we have it BETTER than they do? This trend can be reversed!

The next time your friend says, "Heather always complains about (fill in the blank)". Respond with something like, "My wife is great! She goes out of her way to fix lasagna, because she knows how much I like it." Or when your friend tells you, "When Tony gets home, he always plops down on the couch and watches TV." Tell her, "That's too bad. Scott likes to watch TV too, but he usually massages my feet while we're watching it."

At first, your friends may resent you for your happiness, and will likely inform you that you should enjoy it while you can, because it won't last. But when they see that your happiness continues, and they hear all the wonderful things your beloved does or doesn't do, they just might start to take stock in their own marriage. They just might learn from you that, rather than looking for the negative in their marriage, they should begin to see some of the positive aspects about the person they fell in love with. They might begin to focus more on the things they love about their spouse and overlook some of the things they don't like about them. Either way, they will eventually stop trying to drag you into their destructive pity parties, once they learn that they cannot steal your happiness from you. 

Pastor Monty Rainey

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